[edit] i'm exceptionally grateful to my friends here who seek me out even though i've gone into hiding. haha. they remind me constantly of how much i'm loved, and how much there are ppl who genuinely care if i'm still alive. haha. like how angela will ring me everyday without fail, or i'll ring her, whoever who gets up later :p and hongmin who rings me up every few days, to check tt i'm alive, to check tt i'm ok. or kaylene, jess & alex who keep telling me i need to turn up for school. haha. even a ring once in awhile from ashraf makes me (((: oh and the long long heartwarming lovely phonecalls from angie baby. haha.

sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, out of nothing, i'll wish there was someone with me all the time to share the wonderful things i'm going through now. and a part of me wishes it was you. and then another part tells myself that i shouldn't look to spoil something that's already so good. haha. but its more in the 'i can't believe how good things are, how happy i am now' kinda way, that i need someone there to experience it all with me. and then to tell me that it's real. it isn't a dream, i'm not hallucinating. walking home just now in the cool air, with all the people around me. standing in the gig just now. its times like these where i think 'its wonderful to be alive' and i just live that moment for as long as i can, then wrap it up gently and keep it in me for that one day where i won't be able to feel like that anymore. then i can take out these carefully wrapped parcels and rediscover this happiness again. i'm such a contradiction right. one moment i talk about escapism through the fiction world from reality. and the next i'm so happy to be where i am, and alive. hahaha. yep. that's me. person of contradictions. take it or leave it.

much love to those who felt outrage/indignance/upset for me. i promise i won't let anyone treat me like that ever again (: i deserve better than that. haha. [/edit]

its feels like everyone's in uk ain't studying :p ahahaha. i hear about movie outings, concerts (shib & i), dinners, parties and all that shit though according to jen 'wj needs to meet more ppl with a pulse more often'. and angela happily adds on 'oh she never meets anyone with a pulse' -.- thanks loves. hahaha. but yes i hermit, i admit :p though the effort it took to drag my fat arse out of e house tonight was so so so worth it (((((((: hee.

deathcab rocked my socks off. though shib & i were standing behind these uber uber tall guys (one of em kept farting). and there were these 4 obnoxious bitches behind us. it was all good all good :D hee. when they started singing 'i'll follow you into the dark' i thought i was going to melt into a puddle of goo. hahaha. and 'marching bands of manhattan', i videoed e whole thing for you, rachel (: but for a moment i closed my eyes, and how i wished you were here with me. cos you were the one who introduced that song to me. and got me all hooked onto deathcab ): you don't even want to know how i reacted thinking of you while hearing e song -.- very mushy. hahaha.

but yes, then shib and i took e wrong tube to get to leicester sq. so basically we had happy nice conversations in the tube. about life, shit, zen-ness and everything in between. hello dear (: i know you're reading. hahaha. thank you for everything tonight (((: it was love love LOVE. my belly's full, my heart's swollen with happiness, and all i want to do now is go to sleep and dream happy dreams.

BUT, tonight has left me with enough guilt to make me study for e next 2 weeks -.- so yes. study i shall. hahaha. i'm sorry if i'm not online much e next two weeks. study i need (: then after exams, its holidays and then i'll be back in the sunny island for more sunny island loving ((: so be prepared! hahaha

OHOHOH! i forgot to say this, but there were so many cute/pretty boys at e concert tonight (((: hehehee. anyone who looks vaguely like my anime boys gets me all excited/giggly/giddy with happiness -.- sad right. sighs, too bad i won't get anything like that soon -.-